GEORGE WASHINGTON'S wooden teeth were a notorious item amongst the founding fathers, as he used them often as a means to subdue his political opponents. Those foolish enough to believe that the aforementioned choppers were mythical soon found themselves on the business end of a set of flying death molars. Alexander Hamilton himself recollected: "A Nasty Business was to be had when a disagreement erupted amongst The Congress and Washington himself was at the eye of the Maelstrom [...] I dare say I had barely spoken a word against the matter when I found myself stunned and out of sorts, lying amongst the pew at the mercy of His cuspids which had flown forth as may the fury of our Lord." Washington had perfected the art of tactical dental combat under the auspices of his Freemason Overlords, descendants of adroitly trained Knights Templar who had returned from the near east learned in the use of the death tooth. Washington had little hesitation in using this perfected art, the Way of Wooden Teeth, to force not only the ideals of the Enlightenment but also the watchful eye of the Illuminati upon the unsuspecting hordes. The other founding fathers slowly fell under the sway of the Illuminati and its subsidiary organizations, the Freemasons, the Catholic church, the Ottoman Turks, the Romanovs, the Windsors, the A.F.L.-C.I.O., etc. with the exception of one high-minded rebel, Thomas Jefferson. Jefferson refused to surrender simply because he had started his own secret organization, the Stoics, and demanded that all others join or be annulled. After a quick lashing by the teeth, Jefferson acquiesced.